Conflict Resolution – 7 Keys to Start a Conversation About Something That is Really Bugging You
Do you have a situation at work where you need to confront someone about something unacceptable that they are doing?
This kind of situation requires a private confrontation, a "fierce conversation" with the person that you have the issues. This is a concept that I learned from the book Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. To start this conversation, you need to craft a 60-second opening statement. That’s right….only 60 seconds….so practice it. The following is what will go into your opening statement with examples:
- Name the issue: "Joe, I want to talk to you about the effect your behavior in meetings is having on me."
- Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change: "An example is last Friday’s staff meeting when you stood up, pointed at me, and yelled at me saying that I needed to do things your way."
- Describe your emotions about this issue: "I sense that I don’t have your respect when you act this way. It makes me not want to work with you, and I do want to have a good working relationship with you."
- Clarify what is at stake: "What’s at stake is that this prevents us from working together to achieve common goals, plus it makes us both unhappy and makes everyone else in the room uncomfortable."
- Identify your contribution to this problem: "I have been at fault because I have let you continue to do this without speaking up."
- Indicate your wish to resolve the issue: "This is what I want to resolve with you, Joe-the effect that losing your temper is having on me and the rest of the team." (Note: important to use the word "resolve" in your conversation)
- Invite your partner to respond: "I want to understand what is happening from your perspective. How can we have a better working relationship?"
Then shut your mouth and listen. You may be amazed at what happens.
Try this out with someone that you are having a conflict with and let me know how it turns out.
About the Author
Caroline Smith helps executives with technical backgrounds quickly get to the next level and be true leaders. Why does she do it? Frankly, she doesn’t want another technical star to fail as a leader. Caroline uses her 20 years experience in IT and ICF-credentialed coaching skills to help successful leaders in technology, engineering, or construction who want to "take it to the next level" and achieve positive change in their personal behavior.
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